Ok, this isn’t just a rant. It’s got some good information in it. Please excuse the excessive profanity as I am absolutely irate right now. Don’t give LinkedIn your information!


I fucking hate linkedin right now. I will always hate linkedin. 3 weeks ago I hated linkedin but being unemployed I decided to give it a try. Things were going well. 2 weeks ago I liked LinkedIn. I spent 2 hours completing my profile and entering my information. I joined groups. Found job postings. Connected to recruiters. Connected to friends and email contacts.

AND TODAY, my account in “HIGH RESTRICTED.” WTF is that!?!?!? (My story is at the end after the list of wonderful resources I’ve compiled.)

TODAY, and forever after googling and finding a bunch of terrible reviews and complaints about LinkedIn, I AM DONE. I FUCKING HATE LINKEDIN. NOW AND FOREVER.

These were some of the most useful google finds:

1) This blogger explains how being “too active” triggers red flags on LinkedIn’s shitty automated bullshit automated piece of fucking shit website monitoring whatever so LinkedIn will just POOF, restrict your account, regardless of the fact you may be a paying customer.


3) This has LinkedIn’s phone number. It’s a useless dead-end number. A list of complaints from the above website is also at the bottom.

4) YELP. Everyone loves yelp. I just moved across the country and use it to find food. Check out what people are saying about LinkedIn, but read the reviews that give LinkedIn shit for stars. The other people just like it because “ooh networking” blah blah blah. The other people know what’s up.

Ok, I could go on forever with the shit that comes up in google so google it and see for yourself.

Moving on to what matters, me, the customer/user, just like anyone else.

Today’s happenings that have inspired me to rant for the first time in a while:

1) Woke up. Tried to log into LinkedIn. Fail. My account has apparently been “temporarily disabled” and placed on “High Restriction.” What the hell happened between 5:00 a.m. when I fell asleep and 9:00 a.m. when I woke up?

2) Followed instructions to attempt to disable the restriction myself. Clicked link. Link says fuck you, you can’t do that. WHAT!?!?!

3) Contacted customer service through the help center like it instructed me to. Just an email though. That sucks. I’d rather call. Oh well.

4) Googled reasons why my LinkedIn is restricted. As a new user, I am completely baffled. Stumbled upon reference #1 listed above. Ohh ok, so maybe I was too active. I am unemployed and in front of my computer job-hunting all fucking day. What the hell? “Too active.” Too fucking active. Now I’m pissed.

5) Late for doctors appointment because I got sucked into googling answers. I heart google. Kept googling in doctor’s office. Found resource #3 in the list above. Called number. THEY DON’T HAVE AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER SERVICE NUMBER!! If you call, the automated bitch says go to the help center online. And there’s no way around it. WHAT THE FUCK!?

6) Thought about it. There has to be an actual number, right? I mean, some people do pay for this site afterall.. Got home and googled. Stumbled across resource #2 that I mentioned above. Read comments. Lost all hope in LinkedIn.

There was no way I was going to hear back from them. That customer service email is a joke. Most of the replies were automated and made no sense, according to resource #2. People were getting fucked out of hundreds of dollars and they couldn’t reach a human being. When people tried to contact LinkedIn to cancel their free subscription, they got no response because there is no customer service. Then they were charged. A lot of fucking money. And couldn’t do anything about it. Tis BULLSHIT. I feel for those people, I really do, but thank jebus I didn’t pay for shit!

How was measly brand-new single non-paying human going to get LinkedIn’s attention if paying customers weren’t even treated with respect?

Other complainers said getting a response was hopeless since they were either automated and useless, typed and useless, and they always took at least a week for a response, so also useless.

So fuck it, I’m done. LinkedIn is horse shit. 


So much hate going through my mind I can’t even think straight.


That’s fucking stupid giving LinkedIn your email password. Do it manually. Because I FUCKED UP. I did it, thinking LinkedIn was safe and legitimate since so many people use it and I was wrong. Somewhere in my google search I was reminded of that stupid choice I made when I signed up. Find contacts. Connecting is good, says LinkedIn. Let us help you with that, says LinkedIn. Let us spam all of your contacts afterwords, schemes LinkedIn without telling you!!!! Unless you’re a fine print reader I guess. Thankfully you can go and “revoke access” through your gmail settings and I’m sure you can do the same with hotmail, etc. I also registered with my primary email, my name at gmail, and then put my @…edu as my secondary. MISTAKE. I tried to re-register using that email isntead and because it’s listed on my account, that one was RESTRICTED too. They also had a huge security scandal a few months ago when 6.5 million passwords were compromised. Why the fuck didn’t I know this before signing up?

What the fuck was I thinking. I stayed away from LinkedIn as long as possible but finally gave in. I even let them have access to my contacts. I’ll say it again: WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING.

 I’m all sorts of pissed off but I hope if anyone reads this you get the general idea.

  • LinkedIn has ZERO customer support.
  • LinkedIn fucking sucks.
  • LinkedIn will steal your soul.

Ah shit.

What the fuck? Am I settling? Am I in love? Wtf is love? Why?

I hate you brain. Can you please stop thinking about TJ? =/

Would be much appreciated. Because he’s sleeping in the other room. Aaand.

Aaaaand, nothing.


Right Now

Tj i spaeesed out in my living room. ND I DON’T KNOW what to say. I have mised hime. Dearly. I juts watnt to hug him. I reallly do lvove him. Ic an’t belive he is here. I am drnunk. ND I HAVE  missed him a lot. Sh…. I really haev missed him and I”m durunk mbut  i have, What the fuck am i going ro t odo? ;( sa d face x  m  bajillionf

A Hero has passed =’(

I called this post “A Hero has passed” because one of my friends, Petey, was killed in an accident earlier this week.

It’s surreal.

I know everyone knows someone who’s passed away since you’ve last seen them, or someone you used to know well or someone who knew someone.

But he was a co-worker of mine back when TJ and I worked together. We lived near each other. I frequently saw him working on his car early in the morning, especially on the weekends. He was hard to miss with his Latin music loud as shit driving around our complex.

"Petey ya fuckin maniac. I always know when you’re home, or leaving, or bored just driving around showing off your car."

"Don’t hate on my brown-ness and my brown music. Especially not my baby!"


Petey and I weren’t close but we saw each other every day for nearly two years. I always bullshitted with him in Spanish. My Spanish is awful so it usually revolved around me telling him to “shut up handsome!” or something just as stupid. Petey was just a huge flirt. Some of my closest friends were close with him so the facebook news feed is almost too sad to look at. It’s been a few days since we all found out and I’ve had a few days to process but it really is surreal.

At first there were a few blurbs in the newspapers where he was stationed. Then there were updates. Then there were news videos stating his identity hasn’t been released yet because his family hadn’t been notified yet.

I started balling when I saw the video. His shit was scattered all over the intersection. There were placards with numbers near each item. They showed the van that turned in front of him in the intersection. His bike was propped up and bent to shit. The impact was so strong that his helmet flew off and was another one of the numbered items in the street.

Seeing the motorcycle torn up like that when I remember that bike filling up my news feed with each new mod he did was heartbreaking. The pictures in the news articles hit me the same way. Some showed the bike laying down, some propped up, but every time I look at the articles, it breaks my heart.

Petey boy was a good guy all around and a total gear head. Nuts about that bike of his as well as every car he’s ever bought. His facebook is full of messages from all of us that have known him over the years. Every message reiterates what a great young man he was. A true friend full of laughter taken from this world too soon.

Most importantly, he was serving our country. He was on his way home from work when a van turned in front of him at an intersection and ended Petey’s life.

I would like to remind EVERYONE that driving is not a joke. It requires extreme situational awareness especially to protect the lives of the motorcycle riders out there. If the driver of the van would have taken a split second to take a second look at the intersection before turning, Petey would still be here today.

Petey-o, I’m proud to have served beside you during our first years in the military and I’m proud to have been your friend and sister in arms.

Rest in Paradise. amigo. May it be full of beer, babes, toys and that crazy Latin music of yours =)


Recently, shit been cray, really.

Hmm.. my grades sucked thanks to kidney stones the last two weeks (aka papers-due week and finals week), a few trips to the ER, 2 different pain killers that fucked with my sleeping brain, and a whole lot of other shit. Me, I’m not a crier, but kidney stones will cripple anyone. They hurt more than giving birth, according to those that have done both (OWWW!). Yes, they are horrible. Fucking gut wrenching make you start balling in the ER waiting room without warning painful. I felt like I was dying. Then I was presecribed vicodin. They worked for less than 24 hours. Well, no, they knocked me out for about 24 hours but then they failed to make the pain stop. So ER trip #2. Then oxycodone or whatever it’s called saved me. But knocked me out. School was a lost cause as was the last few of my assignment, all of which counted for huge chunks of my grade =( 50% in two classes and 30% in another.. so it makes sense my highest grade was in the 30% class. I managed to pull off a 3.1. The other classes, fuck. a 2.8 and a 2.6. What the fuck!! I haven’t had kidney stones in 10 years and now all the sudden my left kidney kicks into gear and decides to fuck with me!

In conclusion, I am doomed. Kidney de left has 1 stone left, kidney de right has 3. Eventually, either kidney will get bored and try to kill me. God damn my ex-mother and her shitty genes!

My old roommate/very good friend’s husband’s visa was denied. =( I can’t believe this shit. They did everything right. They’re honest people, paid their fees, played the waiting game, but no. The government said no. And he can’t even visit. Why? He’s Mexican and Mexicans can’t get into the U.S. without visas, period.. well legally anyway. It’s total bullshit. If he were some other nationality he’d be fine, but nope. All because he’s Mexican. Wtf? Heartbreaking.

My recent obsessions include the Vampire Diaries and 50 Shades of Grey. Good timing since Ian Somerhadler is pushing for the role of Christian Grey in the movie. I haven’t been in love with him since Lost when he played Boone. I fuckin loved Boone and they killed his ass! But now thanks to a week off from school (not really) and a Netflix marathon of Vampire Diaries, I’m obsessed. And 50SOG too. Hotness. Total garbage. But hot.

Condo.. a mess of a situation. Had a buyer. 3 weeks later she couldn’t get financed because there are too many renters in my building! What the fuck kind of stipulation is that Fannie Mae you fucking bastards! Everything was good. She wanted the place no prob. Barely did an inspection because she was more concerned with flipping the place. NOW, I’ve got this couple who are fucking assholes buying my place. First they tried to charge me $1400/mo in rent (since I’m leasing this place back until August when I graduate) instead of the $1200 I wrote into the original contract with the first buyer, which I used on the second buyers too. I said fuck no. Real Estate man said I may have to meet them in the middle. I still said fuck no. Real estate man wants to close so he offered to pay the difference. I said do what you want but it’s bullshit. Then they said whatever when he told them no. Thank jebus. Tuesday they did an inspection and I got booted from my house, which was bullshit because real estate man said I could stay. Then the seller’s agent said fuck no so I had to go. Buuuut I left my iPad recording so I caught the gist of what’s wrong with my place: the fucking hot water heater needs to be replaced! =( Buh-bye refund check I just got from the IRS for 2009 where they fucked up. Real estate man texted me and wants me to call him today. I don’t fucking feel like hearing bad news so I ignored it.

I just want to sell this fucking place.

I just want to graduate.

I want a fucking job.

and I’m tired of fucking around.

And I start class tomorrow. Yaaay summer session. I love college!

Just kidding.

7 Weeks.

Until TJ comes to visit me.

7 weeks.

We chatted earlier this weekend and that’s when he’s coming out here. Holy shit. I haven’t seen him in 4 years and I still have this stupid effing little girl crush on him. Actually, I’m convinced he’s the love of my life (refer to previous posts about him..).

I may be insane. I’m going a little goofy thinking about it. I even had an insane dream last night that we went to some vacation city together and got all icky gooey romantic and shit and I don’t have normal thoughts like that =/ It was bizarre. We spent all day just laying in bed on the beach (no idea) talking and bullshitting, and that’s actually what we do, but then we went out the bar and started getting ridiculous and shit, is this foreshadowing my future, my 7 weeks away future?



I’ve also put on 9 lbs in the last 21 months so from here on out I’m going back to and logging everythign and hitting the gym hard, and by that I mean getting my ass to crossfit and the fitness place a few minutes away that has classes all day and running way more than I have been, that’s for sure.

Di and I were gonna do a 5k spontaneously so I ran 3 miles (for the first time in a while) and my pace was just under 10:00/mile sooo that’s unacceptable. College has made me a chunker! Ahahaha. Gym time. TJ time. Bring it summer!

Sex Deprived




1. I’ve been crazy busy with school, overloading my schedule trying to graduate way sooner than expected (done!).

2. My friends live an hour away. Don’t get me wrong, I love this city, but almost all of my friends live an hour away so I don’t go out as much as I used to.

3. I also don’t have a full-time job and I have a habit of sleeping with my coworkers. Man I miss the scandalous days.

4. I’m a broke ass college kid. I don’t have the money to go out and do the things I used to. I’m not talking bars, I’m talking concerts, weekend adventures, mountain time, travelling. I’m missing it all!

SO, no sex. Besides online dating sites, I’m not sure how else to go about finding a fuck buddy if I’m not around people like I used to be. I mean yeah, I’ve got classmates, but eh, not what I’m looking for. I did have a thing for that one guy, but it faded. He’s a little bizarre.


I have issues. I am so sex deprived that I am going crazy for my TA right now. No, I can’t blame it on my lack of sex. I AM JUST FUCKING CRAZY FOR MY TA. There is something so, so sexy about him. He’s a good looking guy, super intelligent, and his demeanor, shit, his demeanor gets me. He reminds me a lot of TJ. Their composures are so similar that it’s scary. And I’m drawn to that. I am extremely attracted to him in the craziest way. And you know what else? He’s 12 years older than me. He looks a lot younger, I think, but he’s so sexy. His demeanor plus his face and composure and his intelligence -I want him.

And I’m so sex deprived that I’m scared he can hear my dirty thoughts that constantly run through my mind when we’re in class.

He is one sexy hunk of man and I want to bang him bad. BAD.

I want to fuck my TA.

Just to reiterate.

Maybe I will.

I will pass on sexually harassing him until after he posts our final grades.

And then I will earn me some extra credit =O

I Can’t Celebrate Mother’s Day, BUT…

I can procrastinate and write a blog post dedicated to all the “mother figures” I’ve had in my life.

My real mother, or ex-mother as I refer to her, is a piece of shit. We haven’t spoken in almost 10 years, wow time flies. The last time I saw her, I was a freshman in high school and my parents had been divorced about a year. We were supposed to go shopping for some nice clothes (ugh) for my band recital. She picked me up from school, went into a nearby grocery store, came back out and said the check my dad gave her bounced so she couldn’t buy me anything. She dropped me off at home, I called my dad and started yelling at him because the concert was the following night and I had no “nice clothes” to speak of and it counted towards my grade. He was fucking pissed, but not at me, at my ex-mother. He gave her $300 CASH to take me shopping and that bitch took the money and ran, but not before playing me like an idiot first.

Yes, that’s the mother I had. Took money for my clothes and bought crack with it. There’s a damn good reason my dad divorced that cunt. $300 was nothing compared to what she stole from him before they were divorced. But hey, we learned our lesson. She was useless to me and I never spoke to her again. My dad gave my aunt and grandmas money to take my sister and I shopping or to do things mothers are supposed to do with you.

Anyways, the back story to that divorce is crazy because my ex-mother is a crazy alcoholic crackhead bitch, so here’s a post dedicated to the GOOD females in my life.

I’ll start with my tiny little family first:

1. My Grama Claire

The mother of my psychotic ex-mother. Lived right next door to me til I was 18. Always there for me. Silly chubby grama. Hilarious when drunk. Insists I take her to White Castle. And blames salt for being fat. A little uneducated and gullible, but nonetheless my grama.

2. My Grama Ruth

The adorable mother of my dad. “They don’t make ‘em like that anymore,” is how my dad and aunt describe her and it’s the truth. She’s loving and sweet and a goodhearted woman through and through. And almost 88.

3. My Aunt Laurie

The sister of my dad. She’s my only aunt and I’m totally ok with that. Because she rocks. She’s doesn’t have any kids of her own so she’s always spoiled us at Christmas and for our birthdays. She’s always there for the three of us, too, always.

And those that are basically family:

4. Nancy

I’ve known her since I was born. A friend of my Grama Claire’s who has provided me with all the memories of doing “stuff” before I was 6. Seriously, anything fun I remember doing with her or my dad, because my ex-mother was a lazy ass. And even though she moved 2,000 miles away, I still go see her at least once a year and she is still awesome to me.

5. Mama Donna

A life-long neighbor and second mother to me. She was friends with my ex-mother and her daughter was my age so we grew up together (I refer to her as my ‘dumb friend’ because she’s an effing idiot). But, as dumb as her kid is, she’s also always been there for me. I remember sleepovers at her house and the way she made macaroni and cheese way better than my ex-mother. I still stop and see her every time I go to my dad’s because she’s awesome and has always cared about me.

6. My BFF’s mom Jill

Treats me like one of her own, even though she has 6 of those already! She’s an amazing mother to my BFF and all her siblings and her dad and all the pets in the crazy house. She runs an insane house and survives and has enough time to send me cards with $20 every once in a while and she never fails to text me dirty jokes and “hey skank!”

7. My Greek Mom Litza

Took me in “under her wing” when I was a senior in high school. She realized I wasn’t just another dumb teenager but in fact had a brain, despite my crazy bum appearance. She ended up hiring me and inviting me to Greece to hang out with her for a while when she was there visiting family. That was the first time I went to Europe and she opened the door for me there. I had an amazing time and guess what? She is still there for me. Emails and phone calls and visits when I go back to my dad. She is one awesome person for just believing in me like that.

8. My Aunt Cathy 

She’s not really my aunt because my family lineage is crazy, but she’s my cousin’s mom and she’s awesome. I remember hanging out with her and my cousin when I was younger and always thinking she was pretty kick ass. We’re not super close but she is also always there for me when I am home. She’s a bartender so she totally hooks me up :) But she’s also a great “aunt” and basically, she’s awesome just like the other 7 women I’ve mentioned.

Now, that’s 8 awesome chicks right there. 8! Not 1, but 8! So when people show pity when I say I don’t have a “mom” I tell them it’s okay because I’ve got 8. 8 people that have been good to me my entire life or since I’ve known them. So, suck it Mother’s Day. =)

Thoughts on everything.

'Twill be a random one. Is twill a word? Hm.. Been thinking about a bunch of random shit lately so here goes.

1. The gay marriage shebacle. Yes, everyone has heard that certain states (yes, you NC!..) are being assholes and our president is actually doing some good by standing up for gay marriage, but I’m pissed the fuck off AT THOSE THAT OPPOSE GAY MARRIAGE FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS. I fucking hate religion. I am an atheist for a reason. I believe morals and doing good are good enough for people to live by. I don’t need some old ass stories about jebus in some old ass book to tell me how to live my life and what to believe so it pisses me the fuck off when religious people oppose gay marriage. It’s just so frustrating. SO, so frustrating. I know not everyone is going to be for gay marriage and people are free to feel however they’d like but in my opinion those with views solely based on some religious crap about same-sex marriage can go fuck themselves.

2. Speaking of same-sex relationships, my friend and I were talking about her new girlfriend today and I had this fucking epiphany. A fucking hilarious one. She was even cracking up. She was bitching about having cramps and being bloated and the first thing I though of was “wow that sucks. No sex for you.” And then I put 2 and 2 together and realized that is her and her girlfriend’s cycles don’t sync then half the time they’re together one of them is going to be pms-ing lmao. Think about it -she’s out week 1, gf is out week 2, then they’re good for 2 weeks then she starts again. I was flipping out at this epiphany and said I’m sorry your sex lives get so interrupted so much and she was just cracking up and said, “You’re a fucking idiot but I love you.” Hahe, I really am. But hey, maybe her wedding will be the first gay wedding I attend so yeah, go fuck yourselves you religious zealots!

3. I cried Monday night because I’m out of town and my roommate called freaking out and said she was taking my bunny to the vet because he was acting really funny (I’ve been gone over a week now so I didn’t notice anything). A few hours later the vet was on the phone with me explaining why she thinks I should let her put my bunny to sleep. Even with $1,000 worth of treatment, he would only have a 20% survival rate, and that’s if he survived for the 2 days. =( I cried like a baby. And just the day before that I was explaining that I wasn’t a crier to all my coworkers who were getting all teary-eyed when one of our managers gave his farewell speech. He started crying and everyone loves him, including me, so a lot of the chicks were crying and I just told him that he’ll kick ass in the new city. Some dudes questioned why I wasn’t crying so I told them to go fuck themselves lol. There are sadder things in life than saying goodbye for now, like putting your pets to sleep. ;(

4. I am tired all the time. I took a serious look at how my life has been the last two years and there is something wrong with me. I’m going to the doctor soon to have a few blood tests done. There is something wrong with me. I am not a hypochondriac but I don’t feel like myself. I used to have a ton of energy and feel great after 6 hours of sleep and now I yawn all day. My eyes weigh a ton all the time. It fucking sucks.

5. I love maps.. will continue later.

It’s time for a change of scenery.

Crazy shit.

I decided that after I graduate from this here fancy university, I’m getting the fuck out of this city. It’s been fun, but I’m going stir crazy. Can you “go” stir crazy? Getting stir crazy? Am stir crazy?

I put my condo up for sale this week. I’ve already got an offer, and a full-price one at that. I’m holding off on accepting it until after my open house tomorrow, but seriously!? Did that just fucking happen?

I didn’t think it would go so fast and I sure as hell didn’t think I’d get full asking price. Which I am regretting now because even with a full-price offer, I’m going a few thousand in the hole. BUT, I didn’t expect to move so soon and I sure as hell didn’t think I would make anything anyways. BUT I might. BUT whatever, we’ll see.

The other thing that sucks is the fact I don’t graduate until August sooo where the fuck am I going to go if I do end up closing soon? No idea. And there’s Di, too. She needs a place until the end of July so I’m going to feel really bad about booting her, although she’s reassured me it’s ok, she’ll find a place, even if it sucks it’s only for a few months. Then she’s off to the east coast herself.

As for me, I’m not sure where I will go after graduation. If I get a job. If not, I know exactly where I’m going: back to the dad’s. I have no one else I can possible mooch off of lol.

I just don’t know. Can I curl up in a ball and not make these adult decisions!??

This offer. That offer. Counter offer. Wait and see. Wait wait wait. Maybe gotta move. The week before finals. Temporarily. Fuck fuck fuck. Fam was gonna come out for graduation. Fuck Fuck Fuck. TJ.

TJ TJ TJ TJ TJ TJ. Was supposed to come this summer. Where the fuck will I be this summer? I don’t know. So now it’s not a fo sho that I will see TJ.


Why the fuck did I have to decide to sell my place? Why the fuck did someone put an offer in? And the other person? And now we’re playing this stupid game of a fake bidding war. Can I just curl up in a ball, seriously.


I am fucking ADDICTED to Draw Something.

WHY? Not because I get to draw shit at my friends.

No. It’s because I get to draw shit at random people.

And by shit I mean large-testicled penises. 2 circles + line = penis.

Random people get penises. Green, Red, Black, Purple, and whatever other colors I’ve earned myself.

I am officially entertained.


My favorite part about Draw Something is watching morons FAIL and FAIL miserably.

For example, I drew an Asian dude chopping someones neck (totally stereotyped, sorry! I heart Asia!).

Randomer guessed: 1) NYNGA then 2) NYNJA then 3) NINGA and finally 4) NINJA.

DING DING DING DING!!!! Congrats dumbass!

Now, granted not everyone is a native English speaker, but I’m guessing “MIKE” was.

Then some other dumbass:

1) PEECOCK   2) PECOCKE   3) PE..   4) PEECOKE   5) PEACOCK!

I was fucking dying watching this. Holy fuck. Hilarious. PEECOCK? No, I did not draw you one of my colorful penises urinating, just a colorful birdy bird.

These people get giant penises in return. If you think my amazing peacock looks like a peecock, then I think “elevator” looks like a giant DICK. And “android” looks like a DICK with lime green balls. And “unicorn,” well that DICK was shootin’ fucking rainbows!! AIDS rainbow ahhhhh! Run!!

If nothing else, the world’s retards provide the rest of us with entertainment. And a reason to draw colorful penises.

Here’s one for ya. Lemme tell ya what your dear brother did yesterday

- my dad called me mid-afternoon to tell me a story and make me proud!

Atomic bomb debate for high school history class. 3 groups decide to be anti-atomic bomb dropping. 1 group decides to be pro-atomic bomb dropping. My brother is basically the entire 1 group.

Anti-bomb: Well, we could have just tested it out, dropped it on an island or something just to scare the Japanese.

Brother: Japan is an island, stupid.


He makes me proud. Sittin’ there just staring down the other groups while they get flustered and flip through their notes. All while my brother recites things from his scary accurate memory. The kid doesn’t watch a lot of tv and when he does watch tv, it’s ice road truckers and the military history channel. The kid is a genius and understands more about war and historic technology and weapons and events, especially about WWII, than I ever will, and I know a lot. He makes me proud.

He burned the other groups and not just with that island quote, which had his teacher cracking up behind his hands he was trying to use to cover his face, but with everything he knew. What led up to the bomb, why the decision was made, results, consequesnces, pros, cons, he had an answer for everything, all without ever taking notes on anything, especially in history class.

He makes me proud, he really does.

My dad says it reminds him of the time I burned some bitch from Georgetown.

Last summer she was taking a classes at mah fancy university just because she’s from here and wanted to stay here this summer or something. I was fed up with her “I go to Georgetown” antics and her “my dad went to Princeton and I’m unbelievably loaded” walk. She just walked in like she owned the place, always. And was snobby. And it was annoying. And then we had a Ph.D. candidate come in and talk about the research she was doing. She was friends with our TA and our TA was proud to show us off because we were learning about things that related to her research, vaguely. Same subject, different part of the world.

Well, she encouraged questions at the end and bitchface Ivy Leaguer smuggly raised her hand and formed some off the wal lquestion about the country in question and I just looked at her and said, “that makes no sense, whatsoever. The country isn’t in political upheaval even though they had a revolution just a few years ago. It had nothing to do with Islam and its bordering nation wasn’t responsible. Other TA chick was talking about the nation’s diversity and how the inhabitants of the eastern part fo the country share similar beliefs as the neighbroing nations eastern dwellers and that’s why she’s getting a visa for country A instead of coutnry B this time.”

I can’t remember the exact wording of our exchange. I was entirely too irritated with her shit and when she tried to argue I just shut her down. Bitch, don’t try to out smart me on a nation I concentrated on for over a year when I was in the military. You want the ins and outs and names and dates and relationships and threats and analysis? I got that. No one in class knows that, but I just made you look like a real fucking idiot. Now please, let me continue my wonderful intellectual conversation with this Ph.C. and don’t interrupt. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from me.

There were 9 people in that class. I was one, auditor old man was two, Ivy League bitchface was 3. 

Four people high-fived me after class. =D

Don’t fuck with us, bro. I’m talkin bout me and my bro. Ha.

Also, I’ve had a few beers tonight. I am fucking tired. And there are prob lots of typos and things that don’t make sense but I don’t care. I had beers. Beers are good. I texted TJ. We had mini-life talk texting convo. Silly TJ.

Sometimes, it’s the weirdest thing.

One of my old friends Andy moved back to town this last month. We hung out last night.

He’s a very theological person and about 3 years ago he had a revelation and found his god again. He’s still the same quirky, cute, dorky, flirty, funny dude he’s always been, except now, well as of 3 years ago, he stopped sleeping around and being the “douche bag” he’s convinced he was.

I never thought he was a douche bag. He was never that asshole who told lies to get in girls’ pants. He defined himself as “the worst type of douche bag”: the guy who tells the truth about only wanting sex and gets it because girls are a little thrown off by it and decide sex it is!

But Andy, oh Andy.. so silly. We were good friends back in the day. In fact, he was around when I had a thing for TJ (love of my life). We were both scandalous and I think that’s how we became good friends, talking about the people we were banging. Yep that was it.

We went out last night, had a few beers. Caught up. Talked about the past and present and future and everything. Funniest thing about our past, Andy was the first guy I banged in a public place! HA! It makes me laugh. Looking back, it was a fucking hilarious night. And it happened because TJ rejected me! Andy and I came up with a plan to get TJ out, get him drunk, get some info, get a feel for what was up, and we did all that, and then he went home! I’ll never forget being drunk, sitting cuddled up with Andy in his papasan chair, calling TJ one last time, somewhere around midnight. No answer. I was leaving the next day for good, like I said in my previous post, or the one before that, I don’t remember, the drive-bye time.

Andy has been a good friend. We’ve seen each other a few times in the last few years after working together for a year about 5 years ago. It’s crazy how things work out. But sometimes, it’s the weirdest thing.

Andy and I are not attracted to each other but back when we first met, we were the same person. Kind of sleeping around. Kind of drinking a lot. Kind of having the time of our lives. That’s why we got along so well. That’s why we became good friends and stayed friends. That’s why we’re still friends. It’s crazy.

But last night on our way home, he was giving me his theological spiel on his life changes and it’s interesting shit getting someone’s outlook who does things because he loves his god and believes the right girl for him is the girl who also loves his god and wants to have a meaningful relationship. It sounds fucking nuts to me because I’m an atheist, but like I’ve said before, I respect other people’s views and beliefs and Andy, being one of my best friends, I listen and I analyze and I respect.

It’s cool, his new outlook. I can respect that. Just like he respects the fact that my outlook hasn’t really changed. I’m still doing the same thing I did when he met me 5 years ago.

And he noticed I’m still giddy over TJ. I told him Tj was coming to visit in a few months and he saw it in my face instantaneously.

I think it’s time I told Andy about my biggest secret involving my outlook on life. I’ve never told anyone, not even my best friend in the whole wide world. Not even this stupid fucking blog. It has to do with TJ and it freaks me the fuck out. But Andy is Andy, and he knew both TJ and pretty well. And he’s very insightful and he has faith in humanity so it may be nice to get his take on things instead of listening to my pessimistic logic. Maybe he’ll knock some reality into me or maybe he’ll tell me what I need to hear regarding this stupid secret that freaks me the fuck out. Fuck. Fuck. The fuck out.

And I believe Andy is the one I should tell because last night, it’s the weirdest thing, while he was telling me about everything he said, “I love you” in the story. Not to me or anyone in particular, but it was just part of the story. But sometimes, it’s the weirdest thing. Even though he didn’t say it to me, it actually felt.. nice. I love Andy, as a friend, nothing more but just hearing it from someone other than my chick friends or family, it was different. It’s been a while. The last time I actually dated someone before I got smart, grew the fuck up and let logic take over, yeah it’s been a while. And it’s fucking weird how that felt. I felt different this morning.

My mind was racing. I was thinking about TJ. We were texting last night both while I was hanging out with Andy and after he dropped me off at home. I think about him way too much. I thought about everything Andy said that night. I just keep thinking. I compare out two outlooks and how his has changed considerably and how mine has changed.. not so much.

I don’t know. I’ll prob talk to TJ later this week.

Last Night.

I had a “life talk” with the love of my life. I’m pretty sure I defined “life talk” in one of the posts way back when, but it was a good one. It has made me way, way too excited to see him this summer. I’m also crazily nervous and anxious now. Why? Because. Because we had one of our life talks and it involved the normal life talks things like school, work, and sports. But, for the first time in 2 years probably, we talked about marriage and those kinds of things. NOT between us or anything, but in general. How our parents are putting the pressure on but neither one of us wants to “settle down,” those kinds of marriage related things. And we decided we’re getting old after he pointed out we hadn’t seen each other in 4 years. 4 years. It doesn’t feel like 4 years, but it has been 3 years and 11 months and by the time I see him, it will be 4 years and 2 months.

Creepy of me to know the exact date when I saw him last? No. I have to have these dates memorized for money’s sake because when the military moves you to the other side of the country, you better know every fucking detail of your trip if you want to get paid correctly. Finance offices aren’t worth shit! I have every date of every move and ever TDY engrained in my brain, not just the move when I saw him last.

But I do remember it like yesterday =/ It will be included in the next post of the love of my life string… He was working so I stopped by on his lunch to say hey and it turned into our goodbye. A lot of people were moving at the time so we started doing these farewell “drive-byes” lol. All your friends would gather outside your house and say their goodbyes and wave when you drove away and left for good. It sounds cheesey as all hell, but we were a tight knit group. I thought TJ was coming to mine but then he said he couldn’t because he had so much work to do. It was pretty devastating in my 21 year old mind, but I understood. He didn’t really know the rest of my friends because I met them outside of work. So we chatted in the parking lot outside our old work building, hugged, said our goodbyes, and left.

Sounds simple enough, but it wasn’t. I wasn’t expecting that would be the last time I would see him in who knows how long. I freaked out. I had shit to do and I was still in uniform to do my final shit but I drove off post as fast as I could because I was balling. Like a big fat baby. As soon as I put my car in drive I just broke down. It was horrible. I never did anything like that before. I really had a lot of shit to do that day so I drove to some gas station and filled up, tried to collect myself, and went back to finish everything before I took off that evening.

A few hours later when I was at home packing up the last of my shit, my roommate came home to me all teary-eyed and puffy-faced. She had never seen me like that and we lived together for a year and a half. She just gave me a hug and a little smile. She was amazing. I didn’t tell her I was mostly upset about TJ so I pretended it was the moving that was getting to me.

When it came time for my drive-bye, ten or fifteen of my friends were waiting outside my building, but no TJ. I am convinced I saw him though. In the wooded area behind my building, there was a bike/walking path that went behind our complex and out to the main road. I am positive I saw him walking by when I was carrying the last of my boxes out. It sounds desperate, but I know his walk and stature and I know he wasn’t working still because I left about 3 hours later than planned because I’m a poke and didn’t really wanna leave.

I plan on asking him about that when he visits. I really do. I’ve always wondered even though I’m positive he was walking by to see if I was gone yet.

I did the good bye thing with everyone and finally drove off on my first cross-country adventure. I didn’t cry. I don’t remember anything about the drive until I was about 2 hours in. I think I zoned back in and reality hit that I was never going back. I passed a giant lake, then it got dark, and I was exhausted but I was determined to drive as far as I could that night. And I did. I nearly ran off the road a few times.. not the best idea in the world, but I needed to get far away so I wasn’t tempted to even think about turning back because that would be stupid and get me in a shitload of trouble.

Anyway, I gotta do the whole story with this one eventually. Fuck. It’s long.

OH, last night I talked to TJ AND THEN


Why? Two of my friends in the last two days have told me about the hot sex they’re having with their exes. WTF? I am deprived in this city and my exes have moved to other states. Why friends? Why must you tease me? Why TA that I will see in 4 hours, why are you so god damn sexy!?

Must get going on this.

That “love of my life” thread I started a while back, yeah, gotsta get going on that one. Why?

There is a very high chance that we will be in my city for training later this summer.

Fuck. Yeah.

1. Uppin it up. Run 6x/week.

2. Finish the blogness about us.

3. Figure out how to keep myself sane until then.

I am way, way too excited about this. A short convo and baym! I’m fucking ecstatic. Sittin’ here with an overactive bouncing knee/foot/kneelegwhatever. 

It’s been 4 years since I’ve seen the motherfucker. It’s about damn time! =D